


Lousy Stupid Goddamned Pretty Troll Boy

by mercurialMalcontent



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Flirting, M/M, Movie Night, Resolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-30
Updated: 2011-08-30
Packaged: 2017-10-23 06:35:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/247277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mercurialMalcontent/pseuds/mercurialMalcontent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>John introduces his best human friend to his best troll friend. Maybe the three of them sit down to watch romcoms, maybe they're just hanging around a lab in the veil, but whatever the circumstance, Dave has trouble paying attention to the conversation at hand. Karkat is good looking and distracting and it's just not fair. Naturally, he begins distracting Karkat while John's talking. Little touches, lip licks, etc. Karkat gets flustered, Dave is thrilled, John is oblivious. It turns into a competition to see who can flirt the most without alerting John to their UST-fueled game.</i></p><p>---</p><p>Originally for <a href="http://homesmut.livejournal.com/9406.html?thread=14501566#t14501566">the kink meme</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lousy Stupid Goddamned Pretty Troll Boy

**Author's Note:**

> De-anoning because I only anon'ed because I wasn't sure if I wanted to do the having-an-LJ-account thing. So!
> 
> I also took the liberty to do some minor tidying of the text before posting it here.
> 
> Special thanks goes to rainbowBarnacle for transcribing the relevant bits of that awful, awful song for me. rB, you are a gem without price.

You are Dave Strider, and the last thing you expected was for Karkat Vantas to be _pretty_.

When you'd first laid eyes on the troll, your mental image of him as a tiny, shrieking troglodyte with a squished pug face shattered like John introducing a harlequin figurine to his hammer. Blood splatters and hollow eyes did not stop you from staring then, and 'pretty' is still only adjective that comes to mind when you try not to stare at him now.

It's ironic, you suppose, but not in the sort of way you appreciate -- especially as the guy drives you up the fucking wall.

It's not just his bossy, snarly personality that makes him come across like a badger with an attitude problem, or that you catch the worst of it. It's that Vantas has a slouch to beat yours and he's still taller than you. It's that his big eyes are framed by wing-like eyebrows and long eyelashes that should be illegal, if not impossible. It's that his big teeth and slight overbite mean his lips are slightly parted most of the time, but on him it isn't derpy, it's an invitation to impropriety. It's that even with blunt hands and a build suited to wrestler, every line of him is a elegant sweeping stroke; cheekbones, collarbones, the subtle curve of his hip.

 _Pretty_. You have no idea why that word, but even though the troll isn't girlish or feminine in the least, it's the only word that fits. Everything else is either far too wrong or far too baroque.

Every time Vantas goes into a rant you want to shove your tongue into his mouth to make him shut up, and _that_ feeling hits you so hard it makes your chat flirting with Terezi seem like a game of hopscotch in comparison.

Worst of all, Vantas is _completely oblivious_ to the effect he has on you.

So far, you've found no way to clue him in to it that wouldn't have been unsubtle and uncool to the extreme. You can't allow that; it would give him the upper hand, and that is not how a Strider rolls.

However, you finally find your opportunity when one night you catch Egbert dragging Vantas to the TV room to watch Con Air. You slip in behind them, totally silent, and when they've settled on the couch you drop into the empty seat beside the troll and resist the urge to smirk at their combined start. "Hello, ladies. Mind if I join you?"

Karkat scowls at you thunderously, suspicion curling his lip, and you have to throttle the urge to attack him with your mouth then and there. John leans past the troll and gives you his sunniest grin. "Hey Dave! I don't mind, but, er, we're watching Con Air." His brow furrows upward even as he gives you the derpiest smirk in existence.

"You know, I've never actually seen it," you drawl as you slouch back comfortably. "I can't diss it properly until I've experienced the horror for myself."

John grimaces. "Aw man, you aren't going to talk all of the way through this, are you?"

"Nah. I figure you'll do that for me." You smirk as John lobs a candy bar at your head, which you grab out of mid-air. "You dropped something," you say, leaning across Karkat to hand the candy over before John can reach for it. The troll boy tenses, then stills completely as you brush the backs of your fingers against his chest by 'accident' as you pull back. Strider 1, Vantas 0.

Oblivious, John snorts and tucks the candy away. "Seriously dude, you won't talk too much?" He gives you the saddest puppy look in his arsenal, the one that can make all five girls left in existence swoon simultaneously.

It doesn't make you swoon but it gets a chuckle out of you. Apparently it doesn't make Karkat swoon either as John's expression gets a snort and an eyeroll out of him, and you kind of hate yourself for the surge of relief you feel. "Don't worry, Egderp. I'm sure my attention will be so riveted by the action," you say, peering over the rims of your shades at Karkat as you brush his hip with your hand, "I'll completely forget to be a wiseass."

"Haha, if you say so! Let's get this show on the road." John points the remote at the screen, completely unaware of the boggled side-eye Karkat is giving you. Strider 2, Vantas 0.

The moment Nic Cage opens his mouth you're glad you have other shenanigans in mind, because even pretending to listen to his slush-mouthed mangling of what on you is a smooth drawl makes your coolkid facade crack into a grimace.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Vantas breathes with horrified disbelief as he stares at the screen.

"It's not that bad!" John protests, but then he looks over, sees your expression, and winces apologetically. "Well okay, it is, but the movie is still really good!"

Five minutes in you know that the movie is not really good. It's not good, slightly good, or even so bad it's good. If you didn't have any other choice, you'd jam a couple of John's pixy stix into your ears and straight through to your brain. From Vantas's curdled expression, you're pretty sure he's contemplating something similar. Lucky him, you're going to alleviate his pain with 110 minutes of personalized Strider attention. It'll be your good deed for the day.

You start by getting in Karkat's personal space. It's an easy thing to do; the couch is pretty much just a jumped-up loveseat and three people sharing it makes for close quarters. You shift, giving yourself a little room between your hip and the arm of the couch, and sprawl a little, keeping your head turned just so. You could be looking a the screen, you could be looking at him, but all he'll see is the blank black lenses.

That's more than enough to make the troll fidget; he was already sitting as uptight as a little old lady sharing a bus bench between two big sweaty bikers. He side-eyes you three times, each time more blatantly, but you give him no sign you've noticed. His lips thin to a line and for a moment you think he's going to yell at you--

But no. Vantas slides down into something more akin to his usual slouch, his legs spread a little. There's still an aura of prissiness to his posture, so you shift again, putting yourself an inch closer. His brow furrows and he slouches further, his legs spreading more. It becomes an arms race of who can take up more room without John noticing, you 'obliviously' jostling Karkat every time he looks ready to relax and him shoving his legs further and further apart.

Finally, you lean against him -- and he's just taken up so much room, you don't have a choice! -- and, when he stiffens, you look at him over the rims of your shades and murmur, "Dude, let a guy have a little room." You pause, drop your eyes to his crotch for a heartbeat, then meet his again. "Or is it really _that_ big?"

Vantas shuts his legs so fast you could swear you hear his knees click together. John looks over, puzzled. "What's up?"

You're leaning back as if nothing had happened. "Just scoping for snacks, bro. Whatchya got?" As if you care; you're looking at the tip of Karkat's pointed ear, which has gone ashy red. Strider 3, Vantas 0.

"I don't know if you'd like any of it, it's mostly candy!"

You shrug. "I'm in the mood for some sugar." You quirk as you lean forward again, just close enough to Karkat you can feel the heat off of him. "Show me what you've got," you say, glancing sideways at the troll.

Vantas stills completely and stares at you like he just went BSOD. You hold his gaze while John pauses the movie before rifling through the box -- yes, box -- of candy at his feet. "I have Kit Kats, Twizzlers, Pixy Stix, some chocolate cherry button things that are like M&Ms -- trolls have chocolate, isn't that crazy? -- aaand finally there are some sour gummy, uh... what were these again, Karkat?"

Karkat swallows hard before he mutters hoarsely, "Grubs." You let yourself smile a little more, just for a second.

"Ew, trolls are so weird." John wrinkles his nose and looks up at you. "See anything you want?"

"Hmm." Kit Kats and Twizzlers are good for miming, but that would be too obvious. The gummy candy, however? That you can work with. You shift as if you're getting a better look at the box, leaning into the troll in the process, your hand casually falling onto his thigh. "Yeah, I think so." You tighten your hand just a little and ashy red creeps across Karkat's cheeks. "Gimme the gummy things." Strider 4, Vantas 0.

You shift your eyes from Vantas's as John hands you a little plastic package that has spiky text and a disturbing logo. "Hey Karkat, do you want anything?" John asks the troll as he looks up at him. His brow furrows a touch. "Is there something wrong?"

You flash Vantas a smirk as you lean back with the package of gummy grubs. "J-just Strider having no fucking concept of personal space," the troll growls, and you have to swallow a snicker. "He's almost as bad as you."

John laughs. "That's a new one! Dave, give him space, he's super touchy."

"Really. Wouldn't have guessed." You deadpan and edge back. "Sorry, Miss Vantas, didn't mean to give you the vapors," you drawl in your best Southern Gentleman voice.

"I'll give you vapors," Karkat mutters, giving you a sidelong glare from under his lashes -- no, a look, because he just licked and bit his bottom lip and you have to hold your breath to keep yourself still and your face blank. _Goddamn_. Strider 4, Vantas 1.

The troll looks away and gestures at John. "And you give me the popcorn because you've been hogging the whole damned bowl."

John rolls his eyes. "Geez, I have not, you just haven't asked!"

"Putting it where I can't reach it is hogging, Egbert."

"Fine, fine," John huffs. "Here, grumpypants," he says, dropping the bowl into Karkat's lap. "Now can we get back to the movie?" he asks, even as he presses play.

You certainly don't mind; your entertainment is right beside you. You 'watch' the movie (why is that Poe douche in prison? Who cares?), by which you mean you watch Karkat eat popcorn. He's guarded about it at first, picking a piece from the edge and sneaking you sidelong glances every few moments until he decides you aren't going to do anything to make him choke on it. Then he honest-to-god nibbles the damn piece of popcorn, and you want to burst out laughing at the ridiculousness of someone with teeth like that carefully dismembering a harmless white puff one sticky-outy bit at a time.

Karkat does that with the next one, and the next, and you decide he isn't doing it to make you stare because the way he nibbles the popcorn pieces down to nothing is just too damned methodical. You almost snort. Figures Vantas would as anal retentive about eating popcorn as he is about everything else. It's practically hypnotic, watching those pointy teeth nip off the flared parts of the puff before the troll's tongue darts out to flick the center into his mouth, his lips pressing shut as he chews and parting slightly again as he raises another piece to his lips...

It takes you a moment to register that John just asked you something. "Say again?"

John gives you a funny look. "I asked if you liked the gummy grubs, but you haven't even opened them yet!"

You look down at the unopened package. "Nah, clean forgot about them. Guess I was too enthralled by all the new and fascinating ways Cage mangles my fine accent." Which is a more plausible excuse even to yourself than that you had been lost in how Vantas eats popcorn. Was eating popcorn in bizarrely sexy way worth a point? Maybe half of one, since he did it by accident.

Or not so much an accident, as the troll is now wearing an undeniably smug expression. Damn. Strider 4, Vantas 2.

"Dave!" John exclaims, all exaggerated offense.

You hitch a shoulder and work on getting the bag open. "You asked." John sticks his tongue out at you but you're too focused on your next plan to bother making a lewd joke. Unfortunately, you're stuck at step one, Get Into the Bag of Fucking Candy. Apparently troll packaging doesn't have any handy tabs or serrated edges to peel down from, or any weak seams to pull apart. Your rustling is getting you the side-eye from John, and at this point you're contemplating whipping out your sword and just cutting the damned thing in half.

"Give it here, idiot." The bag is snatched from your hands and you whip your gaze up to Vantas. He heaves a disgusted sigh. "If you can't even handle opening a bag of wriggler candy," he says as he does _something_ to the bag and the top pops open, "how do you expect to get into anything harder?" He shoves the bag at you, something very nearly like a smirk on his face.

You remain deadpan as you take your candy, but you feel hot all over. Strider 4, Vantas 3. God _damn_ it, you're losing ground fast, and John is giving you both a warning look.

"Would you two pipe down already??"

Karkat is still almost-smirking at you. "I'm piped so far down I just landed in the secret minus world," you say, refusing to give ground by even seeming to look away. "There's glitches all up in this bitch."

"He means be quiet, asshole," Vantas says, his expression going full-on insufferable fucking smirk. It's only thirteen years worth of having coolkid self-control pounded into you that keeps you from wiping that smirk off of the troll's face via your tongue down his throat.

"I mean _both of you_ be quiet! Don't make me stop and turn this movie around."

The troll turns to ask John what the hell that means, only to be silenced by a stern glare you didn't know your palhoncho could muster. You take the opportunity to look away and poke though your bag of gummy grubs. They're frighteningly fluorescent under their gritty coating of sour stuff, but they smell enough like fruit you're fairly certain you won't regret putting them into your mouth. And, fancy that, quite a number of the grubs are bright candy red.

You pull a gummy grub out and look up. Vantas is hugging the bowl of popcorn jealously and scowling at the screen. You shift and bump him with your knee as you mouth the end of the candy. The troll tenses but doesn't look over, but that's all right; you have just enough of his attention to get him curious as to what you're doing.

And what you're doing is molesting that innocent gummy candy as if it were Karkat's own gray earlobe. You suck and pull and bite it, not making the slightest effort to disguise the soft wet noises your lips and tongue make, and when the last of it vanishes down your throat, you breathe a soft little sound that makes the troll's eyes widen.

You pluck another grub from the bag -- candy red again, what a coincidence -- and repeat the process at half-speed, damned near making love to that disgusting sour-sweet gummy with your mouth. It's like blowing a bottle of sour cherry cough syrup but it is so, so worth it, because by the time you've slurped down the last bite of gummy grub Karkat's breathing has gone heavy.

"Oh man! Oh man, guys, did you _see_ that?" John exclaims.

"Yeah, it was something else, all right," you murmur as you lift another grub to your mouth and tongue it, no longer trying to disguise what you're doing because it's obvious John has eyes for nothing but what's on the screen. Karkat, though, you're pretty sure that the TV might as well not exist for him, because as you work that gummy grub over like it was the troll's own dick he stops being able to even pretend he isn't staring at you.

You suck the grub into your mouth with a wet smack and Karkat _twitches_ , sending his hand deep into the bowl of popcorn and kernels flying everywhere. "Oh for the love of _fuck_ ," the troll snarls with dismay, and you're laughing to yourself. That was worth way more than one point, you decide. Maybe more like ten. Strider 14, Vantas 3, and back to the natural order of things.

It's not just your little show that has the troll snarling, however. He's pulled his hand out of the bowl and is staring at it with disgust. "Egbert, did you seriously not think to stir the popcorn after you drenched it with grease?"

John grimaces and looks down at the bowl. "I, uh, guess not! But it's not grease, it's butter, and you're making me miss a good part!"

Vantas honest-to-god hisses and you nearly burst into laughter right there. "Fuck your good parts, my hand is covered in salty oil and it is your fault."

"Geez, I'm sorry. Just lick it off or something," John says, already distracted by what the sweaty douchebags on the screen are doing. He barely even reacts when Karkat shoves the bowl of popcorn into his arms.

It's your turn to tense as you wait for the troll to stalk off to the bathroom. The coolkid thing to do is to let him go and stew and risk him not coming back, but an alarming amount of you wants to say to hell with subtlety and follow him. Right now all of the irony in the universe isn't strong enough to resist the heat of having driven Karkat to panting just by sucking on a gummy insect.

Karkat does not stalk off to the bathroom. He glares at his hand as he settles back with a huff, then raises it to his mouth and gives his palm an experimental lick. His lips purse thoughtfully, then he gives his palm another lick, this one broad and slow and deliberate.

The troll's scowl softens and his eyes go half-lidded as he cleans the palm of his hand with lingering licks and slow sucks. Your breath catches as Karkat darts his tongue between each of his fingers, and it speeds considerably when he takes those digits, pinky to index, into his mouth in turn and sucks them clean one agonizing millimeter at a time, lips moving and mouth working in a way that implies he's making good use of that tongue.

And then you stop breathing altogether as Karkat slips his thumb into his mouth and looks _straight into your face_ as he licks and sucks that digit clean in a way that matches your performance fellating that grummy grub. Strider 14, Vantas god knows how many because you can't move or look away even though the way you're sprawled isn't hiding a thing about a reaction that has nothing to do with your face.

Karkat drops his hand but not his gaze, so you meet it over the rims of your shades and delight at how his eyes widen at the direct contact. He brushes his hand against your thigh and you draw a sharp breath. You drop your hand to ghost your fingers along his and allow yourself a quirk as he shivers. You shift and lean in, taking up your fair share of space and then a little more, and holy fuck he's slipping his fingers between yours and leaning closer too. A little part of your brain warns you that this is not subtle at all but the rest just laughs and wonders how long it'll be before John notices.

"Guys guys guys look, _look_! He's going to reunite with his loving wife and daughter!" You barely register John's words as you press your side against Karkat's and god, those eyelashes should definitely be illegal, as should him gazing at you from under them.

Vantas jerks and stiffens as John throws his arms around him and howls, " **How do Iii-ii-iii get throoough one night without yoo-oo-oou,** " and you can't help a snort at the look of bug-eyed horror on the troll's face. He glares at you and you very nearly lose it right then and there, except that John has grabbed your arm and yanked you against Vantas as he tries to envelope you in his shrieking embrace as well. " **If I had to live without you, what kind of liiiife would that beeee!** "

"Haha, holy fuck, Egbert," you say, trying to struggle free, but somewhere along the line John has developed a grip of steel and you're not getting that arm back until he's good and ready to let it go. As if he could hear you anyway; his piteous attempt at singing drowns you out completely. You're stuck, pressed tight against a grimacing Vantas with your arm half around him and your head pressed against his--

Oh wait, this isn't such a bad situation after all.

On the screen, greasy douche Poe is wandering up to his wife and kid. You slip your arm further around Karkat's waist, and the moment Poe opens his mouth, you breathe, "Hello, hummingbird," before running your tongue along the edge of the troll's ear.

Karkat gasps a sound that sends a jolt right down to your dick and that's it, you can't take the temptation any longer. You rasp your tongue up his neck and he _shudders_ , so you do it again and discover that he's your new favorite flavor. You do to his neck what you watched him do to his hand, licks and sucks and swirls of your tongue and by the time John starts wailing out that awful song again he's trembling.

"This is my cue to abscond, bro," you breathe into Karkat's ear, and fuck your voice is shaky but you find you don't really care. "If you decide to stop cuddling with Egbert, you can find me elsewhere."

" **How do I ever, EV-ER SURVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!** "

John re-glomps you both, but it shifts his grip enough you're able to pull free. "I know this is an emotional moment for y'all but my bladder's got an invite to a porcelain party."

Karkat gives you an unreadable wide-eyed look as John peers past him and pouts. "It's almost over, Dave, and this part is pretty awesome, the serial killer--"

"Egderp, I couldn't stay right now if your serial killer tried to make me. Nature's giving me a call on the white courtesy phone and she won't take no for an answer," you say as you slide free.

John laughs and grins from beyond the troll, still completely oblivious to the way Karkat is staring at you. "Haha, aww, okay! It was awesome watching a movie with you, Dave!"

You resist the urge to snicker as you toss the package of gummy candy into the box. "Yeah, you too," you say, peering over the rims of your shades at Karkat, whose stare has turned to something you think Lalonde would label 'smoldering'. "See you later."

You leave the room with your best 'I don't give a fuck' shuffle, which mostly hides the hitch in your step you have due to an acute case of raging boner syndrome. The bathroom is, in fact, your actual destination; you need to wash the gummy grub residue off of your hands -- and out of your mouth. Now that you're no longer sucking on Karkat's neck, your mouth tastes like the day after blowing a bottle of sour cherry cough syrup, and it's kind of killing your mood.

It only takes a minute to clean your hands of the gross gummy residue. You rinse out your mouth and wonder how long you can plausibly wait around the bathroom for the troll to show up. You don't have to wonder long, however, because as you spit out the last of the water Karkat's voice grates, "Couldn't wash the taste of me out of your mouth fast enough?"

"Well, look who's hot on my heels." You wipe your mouth on your sleeve as you straighten and turn. "Did you at least try to cuddle Egbert before you shot off the couch or did you leave him high and dry?"

Karkat stands beside the door with his arms crossed. He gives you a pointed look as he says, "Come off of it, Strider, he's the one who's 'not a homosexual'." Despite your sudden indignation, his squeaky imitation of John's voice is hilarious enough you can't help but snort. "Is that going to be a thing for you, too? Was this some drawn-out bulgepulling exercise in what you have so ignorantly misdefined as 'irony'?"

You step closer to him. "That setup was totally ironic, Mister Trying to Hide His Earnestness With a Flimsy Facade of Rage." You hold up a finger before Karkat can even get his teeth apart and he makes an irritated strangled sound you delight in. "It had cliche movie date written all over it."

The troll's shoulders tense and he steps back. "How the fuck is that ironic?"

"Shit, don't tell me trolls have movies and no protocol on what happens when they go a date to one." Karkat's shoulders tense further and you laugh inside; watching him trying to pretend he has no idea what you mean and failing is delicious, an appetizer to a full-course meal of spicy hot troll rage. You step closer still. "We had the popcorn, the disgusting candy, an unwitting chaperone, and the kind of terrible movie you only go to see when you want to get your mack on."

"So in short, it was two hours of your juvenile form of humor -- oh, excuse me, I mean 'irony' -- when I was trying to watch a movie," Karkat says, his tone dripping with poison and butthurt.

You arch your eyebrows languidly. "Oh, I'm sorry, I'll be sure to glance the other way the next time you start giving your hand a tonguebath in the middle of one of Nic Cage's shitty monologues." Karkat's cheeks flush with ashy red. Heheheh, bingo. "Bro, an ironic setup was pretty much the only way I was going to get my actual mack on with you out of nowhere." You lean your hand against the wall by his head and quirk as he freezes and eyes it. "Admit it. You liked it."

"I retroactively un-like it now that you're screwing with me--"

You huff a laugh."Vantas, did you listen to a single word I said?"

The troll flattens himself against the wall as he snaps, "I listened to you spew your irony bullshit and not actually answer anything, like you always do. I don't know why I even fucking bothered, you couldn't give a straight answer if you only consisted of two defined points. Not Dave Strider, oh no, he's too cool to do anything but baffle you with bullshit and hope you confuse it for brilliance--"

None of Karkat's rant even registers with you. You tune him out five words in and watch his lips move instead. Goddamn, those lips. With each syllable and rise in tone you want to shut him up with your mouth more and more, so much so that when you finally lean in close you're already breathing kinda hard.

"Karkat." The troll stops in mid-word. "Shut up."

His eyes narrow, but then you're catching his bottom lip with your teeth and he gasps. You suck that captured lip as you look up at him from over the rims of your shades and oh fuck, the sound he makes. That's it, coolkid time over, only heat now as you thrust your tongue into his mouth.

And Karkat stands there with his mouth hanging open like a dead fish. You're not exactly an expert on tonsil hockey but you know this isn't how it works, and a few thrusts in you're at a loss. You breathe a groan of frustration and think _come on, Vantas_ as you shove your tongue against his.

The troll shudders to life and all of a sudden his hand is tangled in your hair and his tongue is fighting yours and you have a revelation about how this kissing thing is supposed to go. It's like fencing at first, your tongues thrusting against one another and your teeth sometimes clicking as you both fight for control, but then you slide him into a rhythm and it's like dancing, tongues slip-sliding against each other in an ebb and flow.

His mouth is amazing. You didn't know mouths could be amazing, but his is, all soft lips and firm tongue and slick smoothness contrasting with those pointy front teeth. He catches your lower lip with those teeth in a deliberate bite and it's almost too sharp in just the right way. You groan, and he does it again.

When you turn the tables and suck Karkat's lower lip, he doesn't groan, he moans deep in his throat, a rumble so close to a purr you'd laugh if it wouldn't make him the wrong sort of angry. You save it for later, for whispering into his ear _hey Karkitten, I wanna make you purr again_. Right now, you show you like it by thrusting your tongue hard and pressing close, _finally_ , chest to his chest and hips to his hips and oh fuck yes he's as hard as you are.

Karkat stills for a beat. Your stomach twists at the thought of him pushing you away, but then the hand in your hair tightens as his other arm slips around you and fists in your shirt. It's your turn to gasp as his kissing turns fierce, all thrusts and sucks and bites as he devours your mouth. It's your turn to moan because his body against yours feels just like how you'd guessed, solid and wiry-strong, and god would you like to get into a naked wrestling match with him.

You grind your hard-on against the other boy's crotch and his shudder makes you groan. But then Karkat wrenches his mouth away from yours and you grimace because what the fuck. He stares at you wild-eyed as he growls, his voice rough and throaty, "I am not rutting in a shared ablution chamber. We're going to my room."

You snort and grin. "Ooh Mister Vantas, I'm not that kind of boy," you croon, just to see his eyes go all squinty. "We're going to _my_ room."

"Your room is a fucking sty," Karkat protests as you pull him out of the ablution-- god damn it, he's got you doing it. He plants his feet and tries to tug you in the other direction.

"Your room has posters with the dead eyes of Troll Cameron Diaz boring through the souls of all who enter--"

"Shut up, Troll Cameron Diaz is a goddess."

"--and mine has a bed." You loop an arm around his waist and tug him forward.

"Mine has a perfectly serviceable, _clean_ seating unit." He tugs back. "Clean unlike your bed, which you probably haven't changed the sheets on in recent memory."

"And maybe after this I'll have an excuse to change 'em." You smirk at his sudden flush and pull him forward. "Unless we need to get you a bucket?"

Karkat stumbles into step beside you. "What are you, an Imperial Drone?" He gives you a shove. "Don't ruin the mood!"

You blurt a laugh -- screw coolness, you're giddy -- and shove him back. "Like it rough, huh?"

Shove. "Fuck you!"

"Hahaha, that's it," you crow as you shove Karkat hard. He trips into the wall, but bounces back and gives you a shove that sends you careening into the wall opposite. You breath a laugh and launch yourself at him again and then you're wrestling with each other, jostling and pushing and groping.

Karkat gets you against the wall, kissing and grinding his hips against yours like it's the last chance he'll ever get. _Fuck my room_ , you think as you clutch at him because right now you don't care who sees you, but a heartbeat later the troll parts with a gasp. "I see I'm not the only one who likes it rough," he breathes.

"Never said you were," you lilt, and give him another shove.

You're grappling with one another when you stumble into your room. Karkat trips backward on a tangled pile of discarded clothes and flails, so you take advantage of his off-balancedness to push him back onto the bed. You're on him immediately, looking down at his wide-eyed expression, and you freeze because it hits you that you're straddling the lap of the guy you just pushed down _onto your bed_.

This is a brand new experience and for a moment, you feel very awkward.

Slowly, Karkat reaches up and slips your shades from your face. You glare, but he merely folds them and hands them back to you with a self-satisfied little smirk. That breaks the awkwardness; you grin back and flip your shades onto your desk before you attack him with your mouth again.

You twist and twine until you're both mostly on the bed and locked together like a pair of Jade's tangle buddies. Now your kissing is somewhere between fencing and dancing, both rhythmic and fierce. You decide that it's probably most like fucking and does _that_ thought ever make your head spin.

So does the arching of Karkat's hips against yours, his hands through your hair and over your back, the high, faint sound he gasps when you grind your hard-on against his. God you want him, this obnoxious, angry, _pretty_ alien boy, you want him bare against you more than ever. Maybe it's too fast, but your every nerve sings with this wanting. Maybe he's shy about his body, this troll who you never seen in anything less than covered from neck to wrist to toe, but you're willing to make any number of convincing arguments with your hands and lips and tongue to encourage him.

Karkat's hand fists in your hair and pulls your head back and for a split second you think he somehow heard that thought. Then his tongue rasps up your neck and you blurt a sound you've never heard yourself make before. He _laughs_ , the bastard, but his lips join in on the action and your surge of irritation gets swallowed up in the _oh god yes_.

Apparently you're his new favorite flavor just like he's yours, because the the troll won't let up for a moment, licking and sucking and biting in that almost too much just right way. Even when his hand gentles on the back of your head you make no move to take control, no, you arch your neck and moan for more and he gives it to you.

It isn't until the urge to turn the tables hits you all at once that you grab Karkat's silly (stupidly cute) little horns to pull his head back. He yelps and pulls away to give you the universe's most indignant look. "What the assblistering fuck, Strider! Those aren't convenient handles!"

You burst into laughter because Karkat looks more like an offended cat than ever and it's too fucking funny for words. "Oh god, I knew this was a bad idea," the troll snarls. He fights to get away from you, but you use it against him to get him pushed on his back and you straddling his hips again. His scowl falters at the way you lick your lips and smile down at him.

"Don't get me wrong," you say as you lean in and slip your hands into his hair. You murmur into his ear, "I just want to make you purr, Karkitten," before you fasten your lips to his neck and suck. His indignant reply comes out a throaty moan instead. "Yeah, like that," you breathe before you do it again.

Karkat tastes even better without the ghost of sour cherry lingering in your mouth. You could lick him all over, you nearly push his shirt up to do so, but his hands find yours and guide your fingers to the fleshy bases of his horns. "Like this," he whispers, moving your thumbs, then letting you take over. You try it while your flick your tongue just under his ear and his low, long moan makes your dick throb.

You can't fucking help yourself now, you're rutting against Karkat as you lick his neck like a lollipop and give him a horn job, which is probably the stupidest thing to call it but with the way he's gasping and arching into you, you don't care. His hands find your ass and you groan as he grinds you down against him. You bite him and he cries out, that cry makes you rut harder, and before you know it you're both panting and oh fuck oh _fuck_ \--

"Oh fuck Strider stop-- **stop** \--" Karkat's hands clamp over your hips and lift them. You're torn between resentment and bewilderment that he'd even do such a thing until he breathes, "I don't know about you but I don't want to come in my jeans, okay?"

You blurt a laugh and an oh fuck of your own as you realize that's what you almost did. "Then I guess we're gonna have to take them off," you lilt into his ear.

"About fucking time," Karkat growls, and you laugh again.

Karkat shoves you off of him as he struggles out of his shirt. You take that as your cue to do the same, flinging your shirt into the corner and stripping off your socks before fighting your jeans off. You hear what might be a seam popping but you don't care, you're too turned on and too afraid you're going to lose your nerve if you slow down for a second.

It's when you're about to shove your boxers past your hips that it occurs to you that you have no idea what troll junk looks like. Karkat obviously has a dick of some sort but beyond that it's going to be a surprise, and that kind of freaks you out. Your hands act of their own accord, though, pulling your boxers down and off even while you look up at him.

Karkat is bare as the day he hatched and frozen half-sitting as he stares at you -- or rather, your crotch. Your gaze darts down to his and your stomach drops because while his dick is a dick (slick flushed head straining past his foreskin and weirded out or not god do you ever want to touch) there's not much behind it. A hysterical urge to make a barbed joke about how you knew he didn't have any balls bubbles up in you.

The troll blurts, " _What the hell do you have between your legs._ "

You shift your gaze to your own crotch, then back to his before you deadpan and look him in the eyes. "Dude, you have one, too. It's right fucking there."

"I mean the thing behind it, moron!" Karkat gestures with a pointed finger and you jump back because like hell are you going to let him poke you in the nuts. "Is that some sort of gland? How do you even walk?"

"You get used to it," you say, rolling your eyes as you sit. "Hey, I've showed you mine, now show me yours."

"My what?"

"C'mon, bro, trolls have to have something between their legs, right?" You lean in to try to get a better look, but the troll's legs snap closed.

Karkat flushes ashy red as he huffs, "Yeah, my _nook_ , and it's going to take a fuck of a lot more than a shitty ironic movie date for you to get into it."

For the first time in years your face stings with a flush. Suddenly, a giggling conversation you overheard last week between Jade and Terezi makes a lot more sense. "Uh." Incredible, aching curiosity overwhelms your weirded-outness; an image flashes through your head of Karkat twined around you, all around you, and you shudder from the jolt the thought gives your dick. "W-whoa."

But Karkat is scowling at you now, which is totally the wrong expression for this situation. "Are we still doing this or should I get a head start on my daily dose of shame and regre _ooh fuck_ ," Karkat gasps, his dick twitching against your hand as you stroke the foreskin down from its slick-smooth head.

"Fucking's the plan," you say sweetly as you give him an experimental stroke. Karkat's eyes drift shut as he makes another one of those delicious throaty moans. You breathe one of your own as you press against him and give his neck a suck.

You could do this for hours, making Karkat gasp and moan and arch shamelessly into your hand (shy? not once you got his clothes off), and it's so fucking hot that just grinding your dick against his hip is getting you close. He's not content to just sit there while you jerk him off, though; pretty soon the hand he isn't leaning on starts wandering over your chest, and then he's pulling you down with him and into a kiss.

Like this you can't really stroke his dick but you aren't complaining because god, Karkat's broad, callused hands feel good on you. They're trembling but firm as they roam hungrily. You gasp as they devour your chest and back; you moan as they grope your hips and ass.

Your hands are greedy, too, and that solid body of his feels good under them and against you. He's firm all over, from his shoulders to his tight round ass to the slick-damp top of the inside of his thigh -- and your grope there makes him honest-to-god _whimper_ , but he shifts before you can cop a better feel.

Soon, all too soon, you're both panting and rutting desperately against whatever part of the other you can, but it's not enough and it's driving you crazy. Even so, when Karkat pushes you flat on your back and rolls atop you in one smooth movement, you have an urge to fight back, make him work for being on top. You grip his shoulders, but he rolls his hips and oh fuck does his dick rubbing against yours feel amazing. Your hips lift of their own accord as you breathe, "G-god, _yeah_ \--"

You expect a grin or a laugh or a smirk out of Karkat, but no, he's all parted lips and big eyes as he gasps a thin, aching noise at your words. He rolls his hips again and you both shudder in tandem, it's so good even if it's still not enough. He slips a hand between you and your eyes follow it, widening as he wraps it around both your dicks at once. "Is that seriously going to w-- _aaah fuck_ ," you moan as he gives you both a pump.

"Looks like," he gasps. You groan and dig your nails into his shoulders as he does it again.

Yeah, it's working. It's working really fucking well, Karkat rolling his hips and moaning deep in his throat as he strokes you together, and you couldn't stop yourself from groaning and moving with him if your life depended on it. Fuck, this is the best thing ever and he's the hottest thing ever, with his messy black hair all in his face and his moans -- oh god, he's moaning your _name_ , you realize, and you just about come then and there.

You clamp down on it because fuck no, you're not letting go first! You make yourself take a few deep, slow breaths and oh god it's hard, but you just manage and get your mind back enough to speak."H-hey Karkat," you say as you slip your hands up into his hair. "First one who comes loses." His brows furrow and he makes a questioning noise that turns into a shuddering groan as your thumbs find the base of his horns again.

"Y-you _asshole_ ," Karkat moans, but you laugh and keep stroking and his eyes roll back into his head.

Oh yeah, he's totally going to come first. You smirk as Karkat whimpers. "Y-yeah, that's it," you gasp, arching your hips harder as he speeds his, keeping your fingers moving fast on his horns. You tremble from the effort of keeping yourself from coming, god you're close, so close, and every fucking one of those wordless moans he makes threatens to set you off. "C'mon, give it to me--"

Karkat's moans turn wrenching and you shudder. He gasps and manages, "Oh oh fuck oh fuck _Dave_ \--" He cries out and your eyes glaze over as you cry out too, your hips thrusting jerkily against his and you're both shaking all over and he's coming all over you oh god oh god _Karkat_ \--

You've stopped shaking by the time your hands slip out of his hair and fall limply to the bed. You barely register it, you're still looking up at Karkat. He's flushed and gasping, his head tilted back and his eyes closed, and the word that comes to mind isn't pretty, it's _gorgeous_.

 _Damn it_ , you think with rueful amusement.

After a moment Karkat slumps and slides off of you, but rather than roll away he settles against your side, his head on your shoulder. For all you just fucked him (he fucked you, whatever), it weirds you out more than finding out he has a pussy did, but you decide after a moment that you... kind of... like it. Just a little, just enough for you to be okay with the sticky mess on your chest and belly for a bit longer.

You look down at yourself to evaluate that mess, and you promptly burst into laughter because Karkat's come is the exact color of strawberry starburst candy.

"What." Karkat pokes you in the ribs and you laugh harder. "What the fuck is so funny."

"Y-your jizz is _pink_ ," you gasp. "I'm like fucking strawberries and cream down here, o-oh god, Terezi would be all over--"

One broad gray hand clamps firmly over your mouth. " _Now is not the time._ " You lick his palm and you're rewarded with a shudder and a gasp. He pulls his hand away and says, "You are so damned weird."

"Takes one to know one, bro," you say as you wriggle away to snag a handful of tissues off of your bedside table. "By the way, you lost."

The bed creaks as Karkat leans closer. "What do you mean I lost?"

You snicker as you wipe yourself off. "You came first. "

"Oh, like hell I did, I moaned your name and you were fucking gone."

You snort and toss the wad of used tissues into your trash bin. "No way, it took a least a second more for my smug satisfaction for a job well done to kick in."

"While you were whimpering my name like a little bitch." You frown at Karkat, who is suddenly over you again, his face close to yours. "This is stupid, Strider. By any sensible metric, we both won."

You consider. "Fair enough," you say with a smirk as you pull him down for a kiss.


End file.
